​Two weeks after my husband returned to work after i had zara earlier in the year i stood in the driveway and literally cried, as my eldest waved goodbye..stupid i know.. I wondered how i would take on the ‘everyday’ with two kids on my own attending their needs all the damn time.. 

Im making it sound as though my husband wasnt coming home.. but the first few weeks of the year were a tad hard With the whole new parenting gig..it was toddler vs new baby…and that meant a few more world wars to add to the book..

Fast forward 10 months because im leaving that middle bit for a rainy day im asking myself where the year has gone with these  two?

There’s been days when they’ve honestly had me in tears and then days where they have melted my heart and im filled with such joy.

Somedays all ive wanted to do is sleep, somedays ive yelled, ive smacked, ive gone crazy, lost patience, gained a extra fat roll made from chocolate, somedays ive squished them with love and other days ive asked google why the baby screams and the toddler crys…. man i know no one said parenting would be easy…its actually quite draining, quite hard, quite eventful, quite boring, quite emotional, quite funny, quite messy, quite a time filled with so much love that I know ill never get back. 
I left the hospital it February with everyone telling me to enjoy my bundle of joy…that she is and that i did but no one said to remember patience, to remember to ask for help, that its ok to cry, that the early years are the hardest…no one remembered to mention that although you will be tired, you will fail through your own eyes, you will struggle, and no one mentioned you will also be rewarded…
 As i sit here and think about the girls and how somedays i wish they would just get along through all the well presented social media photos and status i also see myself looking forward to the next year..with each day that passes they get a little older and to

watch them love a little more, grow a little more,

 and find themselves a little more…. its so damn wonderful…
Its rewarding if we make it…
Being a parent is such a journey within your family unit but also within you as you grow, learn and discover the very weakness that brings you down, but then your brought together again by one moment of love and you wonder why the heck you let a month of shittiness get to you! 
Just recenently for instance i realized i can be my very own worst enemy and critique
Stop yelling, they get louder, let them scream it out, tantrum it out, let them deal with their shit…stop stepping in as a typical mum thing and breathe…  and you know it worked…today they fought it out over one thing..and i breathed, watched, and it was over…
Yep.. sounds too simple, too easy but for me…it was rewarding and something i had to do and only now im realizing…
2017 im sure there will be many more days filled with tears, but im sure there will be equal if not more days filled with love…
What can i say…being a parent this year has made me realize we do it for them..but we do it for ourselves more importantly its not about being perfect but real,

 not about their behaviour but how we react with ours, 

Yep The days are bloody long, 

But the years… they are oh so short!
Heres to enjoying the next year ahead with my girls and whatever it may bring!

Jess x 


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