Tonight i met the tears of the fine line…
This week i had a couple of thank you messages for all the honest mummy posts ive been sharing on instagram.. its been quite encouraging to hear that other mums out there value the honesty even if it has a touch of sarcasim..but tonight i wanted to share a little deeper.. ive way too much fear of opening up but sometimes its the only way to make sense..
Facebook, instagram, social media can be so deceiving.. the happy snaps.. the “i did this”, or “we got that” the #perfectworld but behind closed doors your dying inside.. tell me im not the only mum right.. ?
The last few weeks have been a rollar coaster (more about that in another few weeks 😉) and tonight it hit me!
Time for a Confession ~ Today the girls played for five minuets or so i thought without me up stairs.. i was putting away washing when i realized i was in the kitchen, they were upstairs … i was alone.. away from them for 5 seconds
What should i do.. wee, drink coffee, take a nap (unrealistic) eat chocolate or better yet pull out the tub of icecream because who cant resist mint icecream at 3 pm in the arvo…. “mummy where are you” Ruby starts yelling..
*Insert eye rolling*…
in that second i had too lie “fixing your train set” in goes another spoonful of icecream..
Yep it was my escape.. for today any way..
See im not a social butterfly.. i dont have a million and one mum friends i chat with, wine with, coffee with, or rant with.. infact i dont really have a tribe of mummy friends to call my own its just me day in day out with my block of chocolate.. and whilst im in a lonely place right now I’m thankful for the husband who came home tonight and after putting the girls to bed listened to me sob!
“Its been a wild day… a long week.. so guess what i did today..”
.. “hide in the bathroom” he responds..
“Nope..weeing alone was so yesterday.. today it was the tub of ice cream” 😲
We can’t have it all.. unicorns, rainbows… make the cake and eat it… you see im realizing after having a couple weeks of life building up..to find the fine line..
Fine line of me time
Fine line of letting the house be trashed
Fine line of study
Fine line of giving the kids attention.. fine line of hubby and i time because the line of life in general takes over and its not until its too late you realize … wow thats where those 3kgs came from!
Everything builds up and before you know it your jenga’s falling over..
But i wanted to share.. not because im putting a wanted ad out there to find my tribe.. not to get attention.. not to say look at me.. but to say despite facebook or my insta stories.. i dont have it together and thats ok..
I learnt tonight that its actually ok to not be ok!
Its just learning to find that fine line..
And you know I hope one day when i find my tribe i can reassure someone that they dont have to be ok either..
Being a mum is hard..the demands of our kids, and the expectations of society.. but despite it all… the hard days..the sucky days… the choclate filled days..or hiding downstairs eating icecream days..one day itll all be over and ill be laughing wondeing why i was wishing the days to be over..
cry if you need to.. laugh if you need too.. eat chocolate if you need too..vent somehow somewhere if you need too but dont ever forget that somewhere amongst life..theres a fine line..its where you who matters stands!
so dont let go of your fine line..its ok to not be ok!