Birth story – little Z 

​I always used to cringe when i saw a birth story shared… i always wondered why…having been through birth twice now i can see when such a pivotal moment is made and literally life giving there is no reason to not share! One of the best achievements i have yet. So for all the bloggers out there that have asked for it..here it is our story. 

 6.30am on a thursday morning im outside watching my two girls play, this time last year I was preparing myself for my midwifery appointment i was officially a week over due. The whole pregnancy had  been pretty good apart from the usual tiredness that comes with chasing around an energetic toddler as well.
My first was overdue too, i assumed id be allowed to go so long over this time too. That day we went in to the clinic, i was asked all the normal questions, babies heartbeat was a tad fast, did some tests and then it came the discussion of being induced, the word i dreaded… induced…

 Im not one to go making any official birth plans, ive always been happy to go with the flow however it was only then when i heard the word induced i felt totally out of control…i left the appointment feeling miserable.
 I remember sobbing the whole way home.. before little Rs bedtime her and my husband both hugged me and she prayed her goodnight prayer, so did i hoping this baby could join us the way i wanted with no intervention of being induced. I went and filled the bathtub up and sat in it little did i know tomorrow would not only be a whole nother day but it would be the day id become a mum too two. 
The whole night i tossed and turned, i didnt sleep at all and if I did i was waking at ten miniute intervals…id been having a lot of pain the last few nights anyway so i couldnt remember if it was how contractions felt. By morning my pain was 3 mins apart it was definatly contractions.. i rang the hospital they were already expecting me for tests but i wanted to ask if i could come in earlier. It was no problem. My hubby dropped me at the door and and took our other one to the park. I had my test done and told them the pain was getting closer, id only been in 2 days before hand to monitor bub and have a S&S. Even though my contractions were close together there was not much movement down below. The midwife suggested to go and sit in the waiting room or to go home so i was a bit more calm but that was the last thing i wanted…now i knew it had started i was ready for it to just happen. I opted leaving, mums house was up the road and she was on the way in i slowly tried to make it back to meet her at the hospital, the pain of walking was un bearable. 

Hubby had already gone home because he hadnt heard from me and the little one needed a sleep. I called him and told him id be going back in later so once little R had woken he was on his way back in too.
 I spent an hour pacing around mums house, always stopping in a corner when the contraction came through…corners were my thing in my first birth too! 

An hour had passed since id been to the hospital i called my husband and said to get to mums asap because i was about to call the hospital as contractions were one min apart. I remember hugging R so tight “see you soon” i said..this was it and i knew it…all the fear that had built up over the last few days was about to end.

 Arrived at 2pm straight into shower and onto gas… i couldnt do gas with my other birth so this was quite the joyful experiance. I was 7 cm and it felt like she was ready than ever. As i was enjoying the hot shower i remember discussing with hubby what we should do in terms of little R being at nannys for the night depending on how long it would take. “whats the bet baby will be here by 4?” I remember saying. we were debating from previous experiance. Although i went in with little R at 8cm she was still 7 hours away… but this time i just had that gut feeling it wouldnt be long.

 All of a sudden  the midwifes got me out of the shower and onto the bed, her heart rate was getting faster and they assumed she was stressing out a little. 
The most annoying thing was being contained with contractions on the bed. They continued monitoring but  her but her heart rate kept soaring. They suggested breaking waters which i had done with baby number one so i agreed and no sonner they did this they were hooking a cord up onto her head this stressed me to the max i had no idea what was happening. 

I was on all fours on the bed..different to number one again with her she was a ‘on my back birth’.

I remember the feeling of wanting to push but scared and suddenly all the feelings came flooding back…I needed something to distract me …anything.. so i looked at the only thing i was staring at infront of me and started biting the bed… (they did say whatever works right…whoops)
 I looked at the time almost 4pm id been there for 2 hours and she was on her way.

 Those few minutes of pushing felt like forever. I could hear the midwifes conversation and  remember asking “is the baby alright, whats happening is it alright? ”  they of course kept reassuring me but all i could hear was the focus on babies heart rate soaring. Ive never been so afraid as what i was in those final moments. I had a million thoughts rushing through my head and although i wanted them to be positive i was scared and thinking the worst.

4.08pm on the 10th of February  there she was a happy little girl. I wanted to cry like i did with my first birth…but for some reason I couldnt I was more so relieved and shocked the moment was finally here.

That night however was seriously  the worst night. I remember going to sleep and waking to little Z vomitting i called the nurse in and they explained it was becasue she had swallowed so much crap on her way out. To be honest i was terrified i wouldnt hear her vomit if i went back to sleep, but they assured me i would hear her..i dozed off and suddenly woke again sure enough there was more vomit,I couldnt sleep, i had to stay awake. By 2am they assured me a peads nurse was on her way…i laid awake for 2 hours watching my baby finally at 4 am a peads nurse came to check up on little Z.  She attatched a monitor to read her breathing.


 By breakfast time the vommiting had stopped but they mentioned she would have to stay in for another day and night to keep on monitoring her. I was unsure of the whys and what, i was tired and emotional. Her heart rate was steady  but breathing was loud they told me to rest and that they would book me in to go and see the ‘ear, nose and throat clinic’ which was downstairs later in the day.

By mid afternoon i headed down to the clinic. They scoped her and noted a nostril was blocked, unfarmiliar with their language they told me it was probably a slight case of ‘larynglomecia’ 

right…

And that means??? 

Something to do with nosiy breathing obviously…

The 2nd night in the hospital seemed to be a bit better but all i wanted to  do was go home..  

The next day they asked if I wanted another night in…it was a big no from me. 

Sure enough i was leaving by the afternoon. Its such a weird feeling, un explainable. Here i was… all the fear of wanting to birth my way, of wanting a healthy baby, of wanting it to be over and two days there i am walking out blessed with not one but two girls. 

The next few months were a struggle, not something really ever talked about. You just seem to go through the motions. Everyone preps you in there own way as to how hard it will be on the toddler but you actually never know, like birth until your in the moment. 
We had to push through a bit of jealousy…do you blame her? We had to push through a few tantrums, a few tears and obviously the sleepless nights. 

It takes getting used to again thats for sure but this year has grown us all. 

Little z continues her appointments at the ENT clinic but has definatly improved. For those who have only just started following my blog there is a previous blog post  explaining exactly what she had/has. (Larynglomecia, floppy airway hence the noisy breathing she is definatly outgrowing it. It gets worse before it gets better and i think were on the other side of it now. If you listen you can still hear it when she moves but no where near as bad as the first few months. We actually had a appointment just the other day and she doesnt need to go back for another 6 months…yay!)

Her first birthday is tomorrow, its been one year with her, that’s for sure…. you know as they say having a child is like wearing your heart outside your body …it couldnt be more true. 

 Every day is worth it ❤

One year later my little girl is happy and healthy! She is walking, climbing, and laughing!  I have moments where I just squeeze her tight and give thanks that i have her! 
Child birth, for sure is an adventure. Yet here I am, a mother of two beautiful, healthy girls I count it as  a huge blessing!!


Happy first birthday bub bub!

Jess x 

 

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Laryngomalacia

 

‘Begin each day with a greatful heart..’

When our little Z was born she was born with what they told us was a ‘stridor’ we were sent to a ENT clinic (ears, nose, throat) the second day in after birth so they could observe her and have a look at her airways. I remember that day as clear as anything.

Tonight I wanted to share part of her story in my blog, not to gain attention but because this is part of me documenting our journey after our day of receiving answers.

So Rewind to my first night with Z. I was so emotional and had given up attempting to sleep. Z  had been vommiting mucus and as I laid in bed watching her she was making a lot of noise to do something as simple as breathe. I was so scared and remember buzzing the nurses numerous times so they could document how many times and how much she had vommited. 

It was 3am and the nurse told me she would be sending someone up from peadeatrics to have a look as something wasn’t quite right, I’ve never felt so scared, I laid awake watching, wondering and hoping that it wasn’t something serious and her little body would be OK. 6am arrived I still hadn’t slept and finally the peads nurse arrived, Z was hooked up to a monitor to then document her oxygen, they arranged an appointment at the ENT clinic and in the meantime I was to get some rest.  

‘ A stridor’ (meaning harsh breathing sound) was the name given as some sort of label to what Z continued to show as they examined her throat and nose. The rest I can’t even remember, it’s like we were in and out of that clinic and A day or two later we were discharged… I had no idea what had actually happened and as it usually does Life went on.

A few weeks later I had my usual after birth app with my doc, she noted Z noisy breathing and looked up her files asked if I’d had a follow up from the hospital in which I replied no. Our doc was good and looked into it, so five months later, a few doctor visits and two ‘lost referral letters’ to the hospital we finally received a follow up appointment. 

It’s weird because although she had this harsh noisy breathing it became so normal to us that we wouldn’t blink a eye yet people would comment and tell us how noisy she was I would be like “really” call me blonde or tell me I have mummy brains but that’s just the way it was. I’ve never understood the whole diagnosis but as a mother trusts her instincts I knew despite not paying direct attention to the noise something wasn’t right as did our doctor. I had been hanging out for this day so we could try and get some answers. The more the days, weeks and months went on the more I wanted answers sometimes reverting to Google doctor.

I’m with Z 24/7 I wanted my questions answered … Why does it get provoked when she’s excited or frustrated? It’s normal as a mum to worry and I guess I wanted ease.  

Well Today was that day. Today was the day I got answers I was so nervous and scared maybe because I had to step inside a place that feels so clinical, a place that people don’t usually enjoy going to, a place where we wasn’t sure what we would come away knowing.

So what was the outcome?

Laryngomalacia .. Such a big word to explain what’s been going on these last few months since Z arrival.
Laryngomalacia (LM) is best described as floppy tissue above the vocal cords that falls into the airway when a child breathes in. The upper part of the voice box, above the vocal cords, contains supporting cartilages. When a baby takes a breath, these structures are supposed to open wide, to allow air to go into the windpipe. However, in Zs case they are so weak and floppy that during a deep breath, these cartilages become sucked inward, collapsing over the vocal cords, leading to a squeaking or “wheezing” sound.

This sound is heard in Z as in other infants or children when they are distressed, excited, feeding or when their flat on their back. Another effect from this condition is gastroesophageal reflux (more answers for us) because she is working hard to draw air from her stomach it Balloons up causing mucus/ acid to sit around her airways which then can result in long term damage on her voice box and scarring. We have been prescribed a drug to help with acid which should in return mean no long term damage In that area. 

A big factor for this condition is poor weight gain, Z has fallen below the ‘right’ percentile which at the moment isn’t a huge deal, we have been asked to weigh and document her for the next three months and will be continually having visits to the ENT clinic. If Z continues on with low weight gain she may need surgery as do other children sometimes with this condition . 

There is no time frame as to when this ‘stridor’ will disappear so no answers there, some babies grow out of it and as stated before some need surgery.

For now though it’s onwards and upwards for her with medication once a day and continual weight monitoring to determine what happens next.

 I now know why they say having a child is ‘deciding forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body’

Jess x

I want to take a sick day

Recently my family were all welcomed with the ‘first day of winter cold’

It goes through everyone but for some reason tends to stay longer in the mummy body! It sucks I could moan and complain about it all day long it’s worse than man flu honestly. So who do you call when your a mummy and have a house to run but want to go hide in bed…?

There’s dishes to be done, dinner to be made, bums to be changed, bodies to be bathed uh it all sounds so tiring! 

Your baby wants to be glued to you like the milks going out of fashion, the toddler rules the house,and the husband gets forgotten.

It’s not till today whist I’m finally sitting on the other side of the man flu fence I realize how blessed I am and how it’s so easy to take great health for granted.

It sure is overwhelming being a mummy, one child, two children, three or four we all have our battles to face, something knocks us in the face like a simple head cold, it feels like were at our ends and it’s not until we’re on the other side we’re jumping up and down shouting out our thankfulness… Well I sure am until next winters cold I’m done and great full to be on the path of a functioning nose again.

 The tiredness eventually overrides and the motivation kicks in.

The house eventually gets cleaned, the children eventually get bathed and the hubby gets told he’s loved.. All is well! 

Jess X