I always used to cringe when i saw a birth story shared… i always wondered why…having been through birth twice now i can see when such a pivotal moment is made and literally life giving there is no reason to not share! One of the best achievements i have yet. So for all the bloggers out there that have asked for it..here it is our story.
6.30am on a thursday morning im outside watching my two girls play, this time last year I was preparing myself for my midwifery appointment i was officially a week over due. The whole pregnancy had been pretty good apart from the usual tiredness that comes with chasing around an energetic toddler as well.
My first was overdue too, i assumed id be allowed to go so long over this time too. That day we went in to the clinic, i was asked all the normal questions, babies heartbeat was a tad fast, did some tests and then it came the discussion of being induced, the word i dreaded… induced…
Im not one to go making any official birth plans, ive always been happy to go with the flow however it was only then when i heard the word induced i felt totally out of control…i left the appointment feeling miserable.
I remember sobbing the whole way home.. before little Rs bedtime her and my husband both hugged me and she prayed her goodnight prayer, so did i hoping this baby could join us the way i wanted with no intervention of being induced. I went and filled the bathtub up and sat in it little did i know tomorrow would not only be a whole nother day but it would be the day id become a mum too two.
The whole night i tossed and turned, i didnt sleep at all and if I did i was waking at ten miniute intervals…id been having a lot of pain the last few nights anyway so i couldnt remember if it was how contractions felt. By morning my pain was 3 mins apart it was definatly contractions.. i rang the hospital they were already expecting me for tests but i wanted to ask if i could come in earlier. It was no problem. My hubby dropped me at the door and and took our other one to the park. I had my test done and told them the pain was getting closer, id only been in 2 days before hand to monitor bub and have a S&S. Even though my contractions were close together there was not much movement down below. The midwife suggested to go and sit in the waiting room or to go home so i was a bit more calm but that was the last thing i wanted…now i knew it had started i was ready for it to just happen. I opted leaving, mums house was up the road and she was on the way in i slowly tried to make it back to meet her at the hospital, the pain of walking was un bearable.
Hubby had already gone home because he hadnt heard from me and the little one needed a sleep. I called him and told him id be going back in later so once little R had woken he was on his way back in too.
I spent an hour pacing around mums house, always stopping in a corner when the contraction came through…corners were my thing in my first birth too!
An hour had passed since id been to the hospital i called my husband and said to get to mums asap because i was about to call the hospital as contractions were one min apart. I remember hugging R so tight “see you soon” i said..this was it and i knew it…all the fear that had built up over the last few days was about to end.
Arrived at 2pm straight into shower and onto gas… i couldnt do gas with my other birth so this was quite the joyful experiance. I was 7 cm and it felt like she was ready than ever. As i was enjoying the hot shower i remember discussing with hubby what we should do in terms of little R being at nannys for the night depending on how long it would take. “whats the bet baby will be here by 4?” I remember saying. we were debating from previous experiance. Although i went in with little R at 8cm she was still 7 hours away… but this time i just had that gut feeling it wouldnt be long.
All of a sudden the midwifes got me out of the shower and onto the bed, her heart rate was getting faster and they assumed she was stressing out a little.
The most annoying thing was being contained with contractions on the bed. They continued monitoring but her but her heart rate kept soaring. They suggested breaking waters which i had done with baby number one so i agreed and no sonner they did this they were hooking a cord up onto her head this stressed me to the max i had no idea what was happening.
I was on all fours on the bed..different to number one again with her she was a ‘on my back birth’.
I remember the feeling of wanting to push but scared and suddenly all the feelings came flooding back…I needed something to distract me …anything.. so i looked at the only thing i was staring at infront of me and started biting the bed… (they did say whatever works right…whoops)
I looked at the time almost 4pm id been there for 2 hours and she was on her way.
Those few minutes of pushing felt like forever. I could hear the midwifes conversation and remember asking “is the baby alright, whats happening is it alright? ” they of course kept reassuring me but all i could hear was the focus on babies heart rate soaring. Ive never been so afraid as what i was in those final moments. I had a million thoughts rushing through my head and although i wanted them to be positive i was scared and thinking the worst.
4.08pm on the 10th of February there she was a happy little girl. I wanted to cry like i did with my first birth…but for some reason I couldnt I was more so relieved and shocked the moment was finally here.
That night however was seriously the worst night. I remember going to sleep and waking to little Z vomitting i called the nurse in and they explained it was becasue she had swallowed so much crap on her way out. To be honest i was terrified i wouldnt hear her vomit if i went back to sleep, but they assured me i would hear her..i dozed off and suddenly woke again sure enough there was more vomit,I couldnt sleep, i had to stay awake. By 2am they assured me a peads nurse was on her way…i laid awake for 2 hours watching my baby finally at 4 am a peads nurse came to check up on little Z. She attatched a monitor to read her breathing.
By breakfast time the vommiting had stopped but they mentioned she would have to stay in for another day and night to keep on monitoring her. I was unsure of the whys and what, i was tired and emotional. Her heart rate was steady but breathing was loud they told me to rest and that they would book me in to go and see the ‘ear, nose and throat clinic’ which was downstairs later in the day.
By mid afternoon i headed down to the clinic. They scoped her and noted a nostril was blocked, unfarmiliar with their language they told me it was probably a slight case of ‘larynglomecia’
And that means???
Something to do with nosiy breathing obviously…
The 2nd night in the hospital seemed to be a bit better but all i wanted to do was go home..
The next day they asked if I wanted another night in…it was a big no from me.
Sure enough i was leaving by the afternoon. Its such a weird feeling, un explainable. Here i was… all the fear of wanting to birth my way, of wanting a healthy baby, of wanting it to be over and two days there i am walking out blessed with not one but two girls.
The next few months were a struggle, not something really ever talked about. You just seem to go through the motions. Everyone preps you in there own way as to how hard it will be on the toddler but you actually never know, like birth until your in the moment.
We had to push through a bit of jealousy…do you blame her? We had to push through a few tantrums, a few tears and obviously the sleepless nights.
It takes getting used to again thats for sure but this year has grown us all.
Little z continues her appointments at the ENT clinic but has definatly improved. For those who have only just started following my blog there is a previous blog post explaining exactly what she had/has. (Larynglomecia, floppy airway hence the noisy breathing she is definatly outgrowing it. It gets worse before it gets better and i think were on the other side of it now. If you listen you can still hear it when she moves but no where near as bad as the first few months. We actually had a appointment just the other day and she doesnt need to go back for another 6 months…yay!)
Her first birthday is tomorrow, its been one year with her, that’s for sure…. you know as they say having a child is like wearing your heart outside your body …it couldnt be more true.
Every day is worth it ❤
One year later my little girl is happy and healthy! She is walking, climbing, and laughing! I have moments where I just squeeze her tight and give thanks that i have her!
Child birth, for sure is an adventure. Yet here I am, a mother of two beautiful, healthy girls I count it as a huge blessing!!
Happy first birthday bub bub!